dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
