Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
