Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
