she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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