i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
