It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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