Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think I won the penis lottery.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
