i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
