i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
