Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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