he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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