Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
