This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
