Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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