I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
