I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
