sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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