Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
