You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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