There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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