And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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