I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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