He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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