youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
