Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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