first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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