I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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