When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
