There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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