I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
