i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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