Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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