How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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