home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
don't judge my taste in strippers
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize