I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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