my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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