Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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