I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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