I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
