Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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