I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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