she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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