it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
