i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
