U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
