Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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