I wish I only lived at night.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
