fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
