i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
