I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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