worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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