idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
