I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I wish there were birth control emojis
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
