apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
