i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
