all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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