I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
