theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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