I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
