apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think your dad took our porno
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
