The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
