but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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