Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I met the friendliest cop last night
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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