So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
