I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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