Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
