i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
