I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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