I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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