my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
