Ambien. No doubt about it.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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