Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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