I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
