Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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