oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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